Happiness, where are you ?
Happiness…
I will be happy when I achieve “that” thing.
So far “that” thing only keeps on moving ahead.
Ahead of me always.
To me Happiness is attaining some ill-defined tangible or intangible thing, or some milestones set by the society.
When I don’t suffer from over-active thinking about future, fear or sadness in the present situation, then I am just lazily comfortable in my home. However, this lazy presence is not happiness.
When I am with my friends, when I laugh and enjoy in the moments, I am not happy. There is a grey cloud of feeling of guilt, shame, or ‘are you forgetting that your life is shit and everyone else is long gone ahead of you’.
To me happiness is a thing in the future that I dearly want to attain. It is something reserved for future. In the past there was mainly suffering and in the present there is control, laziness, comfort, sometimes satisfaction and other times anger, humiliation, fear, shock and sadness.
The happiness they talk about in movies is only in the future.
Despite achieving or attaining “ that” thing in the present, there is no happiness which I considered as “the” thing as it has been shifted to something else in the future.
I want to reach those milestones that have been set for me by the society. It is easy and clear than to devise something yourself. The society claims that those milestones provide happiness. So far the ones achieved have failed to provide any but the ones in the future still excite.
Those goals and milestones attract, excite and make me curious. However, they create confusion, doubts and shallowness too.
In my mind, I want to do something amazing in life. This is good but shallow and vague at the same time. As it is nothing specific but an amalgamation of societal benchmarks and winnings inspired by the unrestricted media content consumption and a set of previous generations’ {fears, aspirations, lost chances, mistakes, ill-knowledge-based conclusions}.